You have foolishly agreed to watch my children while Carrie and I go get finger printed.
First, I must say "bwahahahaha"! Second, I feel that I must leave you some information so that you won't freak out.
First, about the house:
1. I have been really too busy to mow the lawn so the grass is a little long right now, and I know, I know, the gutters need to be cleaned out. But please come on in, people really do live inside.
2. Yes, the white smeary stuff on the windows is milk. Manny and JoJo just love to finger paint.
3. Yes, that is a kitchen in there.......somewhere underneath all that.........stuff. Feel free to cook something......if you dare!
4. No, I didn't repair a motorcycle in the living room and no, the cast of Animal House did not have a food fight in there either. The explanation is, well, I have four children named Grace, Haven, Manny and JoJo.
5. That smell you say? Well that is the smell of old dried milk, urine, a diaper or old milk bottle that has yet to be discovered (possibly under the couch), and possibly that missing cheese sandwich.
6. Well yes, we do prefer to have the cushions on the couch but the children do not, so why bother to try when you are outnumbered four to one. We just enjoy having cushions on the couch AFTER the kids go to sleep.
7. Yes, we do have a vacuum cleaner, but using it is much like shovelling the driveway in the middle of a blizzard. It's better to wait for the storm to go away before getting started. I just like to think of it as an 18 year blizzard.
8. Nope, not a science project in the backyard. The kids like to play restaurant.
P.S. I wouldn't eat there, they specialize in mud soup.
9. That is a CLEAN pile of laundry, despite that fact that my snotty and poopy kids are crawling all over it. If I had time to fold and put it away I would have, so please don't judge.
Now, about the kids:
1. Never feed a gremlin after midnight and never let Manny or JoJo in the kitchen....you will be sorry!
2. One of the three boys will get stuck somewhere or in something.....just thought you should know.
3. Grace will make Haven cry by doing little more that looking at him.......it's OK.
4. Manny will cry and you will want to poke your eardrums out with a skewer. They are located in the drawer left of the sink.
5. Do you play guitar? The boys have formed a heavy metal band. Unfortunately, they are all drummers.
6. If you fail to put the boys down for a nap it's your own fault. I warned you.
And finally, don't look at the clock while you are here..........time will go by faster.